Let it go
Welcome back!
As dads, our rational minds tell us to protect our innocent child from all the possible risks and dangers out there.
We might think that we are doing something good for them to step in and intervene, but that doesn’t tend to go so well in the long run.
One way or another, you just have to let them go.
Here are 3 things you'll takeaway in this lesson:
- Why it's so hard to let go
- What's wrong with not letting go
- How to let go
This should be hard
Our instincts helped us survive for hundreds and thousands of years. Life is an absurd paradox. We’re biologically biased toward maintaining the status quo and avoiding change, discomfort, and risk. Yet, part of our nature craves adventure and excitement.
We tend to stay close to what we've already known. But time and time again in human history, our ancestors ventured out and expanded to the unknown due to both change in circumstances and the environment.
This paradox explains why it's so hard to let our children go. No one knows when the right time is. While you want to protect them in a comfortable home, you know at the back of your mind that your child needs to be exposed to the world and learn from their own mistakes.
Your unsettling mind traps you. You are paralyzed by the choices available in front of you. When should you hold them tight, and when should you let them go?
Things change
Let's fast forward 10 years. Imagine your child were 10 years older than today.
What values do you hope your child will have?
How would you expect them to cope with the challenges they face in life?
What beliefs and worldviews would they have?
How about the way they handle social connections with friends, and even romantic relationships?
And then you realize none of the above is under your control, no matter how hard you try. There is simply no way for sure that you will know how your child will think and act a decade later.
Things change. They always do. But we assume we will likely be more or less the same person today ten years later. Failing to let go of what you strongly hold on to today is delusional.
Knowing this gives you empathy for yourself, as you understand a bit more about the reality of life and have a bit more courage to let things go in the future.
An exercise
Here's an exercise for you to bring this home:
The next time before you give an order, an instruction, a yell, a guide, an answer, or a direction to your kids, pause.
Let them go. Let them think. Let them ask. Let them explore. Let them search. Let me lead.
Take a deep breath. And you can start to let them go much earlier than you expect. You can let them go now.
They will grow like flowers in the garden. The best ones are those that you forgot and left undisturbed.
See you in the next lesson.
Franco