How to be with your kid(s)
Welcome back!
In this lesson, we'll discuss an overlooked aspect of how to be with your kids.
We all assumed we knew a thing or two about spending time with our kids. But I have to admit that I knew nothing about how to be with a newborn, a toddler, or an adolescent.
Do you?
Here are 3 things for you to take away in this lesson:
- The art of being
- The science of being
- A proposal
The Art
My daughter was just over 4.5 years old as of this writing.
Every single day since my daughter was born, I have learned something new. Yet, I notice that every once in a while, I will not know how I should be with my kids since they are growing up so fast.
I couldn't catch up.
There will be a day when I wake up, drink a glass of water, stretch a bit, make breakfast for myself and the kids, get dressed, and head to work.
I throw myself into the sea of work. Then, it's time to go home.
I return home, and a strange feeling sets in. I just want to get things done with the kids and put them to bed as soon as possible.
The thought of cooking a decent meal even feels overwhelming, so I ask my wife if we should order delivery again.
After showering the kids, reading a couple of bedtime stories, and putting them to bed, I am drained.
The precious time with them feels like a chore. I feel relieved and frustrated at the same time once they are asleep.
I don't even have the energy to spend some quality time and chat with my wife.
I give her a kiss goodnight and go straight to bed.
And I wake up feeling less refreshed than the day before.
I block the coming weekend because I need to "recharge."
This doesn't sound so good.
I don't know how to be there with my kids sometimes.
When it comes to being with our kids, it's more like art. There is no right or wrong answer. Things are just the way they are, ain't they?
The Science
So, I start reading.
Studies show that a dad is crucial to almost every aspect of a kid's development from day 1.
This sounds so obvious, but I didn't realize how crucial it is until I studied the scientific results.
Research shows that children will have fewer cognitive delays, better school readiness, a decrease in tantrums and aggressive behaviour, and lower rates of depression in the long run with an involved Dad.
Teens who live with their father by the age of 14 will demonstrate a higher level of self-confidence and resilience than those who don't.
While we call our native language "mother's tongue," some studies even suggest that the father's use of vocabulary has a stronger impact on a toddler's language development, no matter how well-spoken a mother is.
I have long been underestimating how important we are as Dads.
Go with the flow
One day, I asked my wife: "How do you be with our kids... I mean, how do you spend time with them, and how do you know what's right or wrong?"
"I don't know," she said. "I am just being myself."
The answer is obvious:
Going with the flow without second-guessing who you are.
Stop trying to become the "perfect" dad, and start becoming who you actually are.
Every single time you are trying too hard, you are burning yourself out and will likely end up to be like me who was rushing the kids to bed.
If you are feeling tired after work, just go lie down for a while. It's okay. If you want to read a hundred books with them after dinner, go ahead. It's fine, too.
As long as you are being your true self, things will turn out just fine.
Now, it's time to live.
See you there.
Franco