Body, People, You
Welcome back!
In the last lesson, we talked about why ignoring your kids (safely and intentionally) makes sense from an evolutionary perspective.
In this lesson, we're diving into an area that is often overlooked by dads — that's YOU.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Same for us as dads.
Raising kids is not a 100-meter race with only one winner. It's a marathon that you run with your kids.
This week's focus is on training yourself to be both disciplined and energized to stay on the path of becoming a better you and a better dad.
Let's go!
Body
First things first - Your physical health matters.
This sounds so obvious, and this is precisely why most of us overlook the importance of our health.
Yes, we know sleep is important. We know eating a balanced diet is important. We know exercise is important. But there are so many little things that can get in our way of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
There are plenty of resources on health available online, and here's my take on taking care of our bodies before our kids destroy us before noon:
- Sleep
Prioritize sleep like your life depends on it, but don't stress it too much if you lose a few hours of it every now and then.
We all have different sleep chronotypes. Figure out yours. I usually stretch a bit at 11 pm and sleep at around 11:30 pm. In most days, I wake up between 6:30 - 7 am.
Meanwhile, my wife doesn't sleep before 1 am and she struggles to get out of bed before 9 am. The key here is to make sure you know what your partner's sleep pattern and be there for each other while the kids are awake.
- Eat
I am not a nutritionist, but it doesn't need one to tell you ultra processed food, refined sugar, and food with too much carbohydrate are not good for either you or your kids.
Instead of focusing on what you should eat, avoid what you shouldn't, and things will become much easier.
Use AI as your private doctor, nutritionist, and health coach for what you and your kids should eat. A perfect meal plan is right there for you.
- Exercise
A rule of thumb that I use is the World Health Organization's standard that kids under four should get at least 3 hours of physical activity per day, and those aged 5 and above should have at least an hour of outdoor time per day.
I know this is actually quite hard to follow, but you can at least build a system in your weekly schedule to get closer to this exercise goal.
Every Sunday morning, I block out an hour between 8:30 and 9:30 am to bring my kids down to the park to play. Once we get home, it's just in time when my wife is about to wake up. We will make breakfast together or head out for whatever we have planned for the day.
Enough talking. It's time to go outside if you can!
People
The next step is about the people you love the most around you.
We are social creatures. We need each other to both thrive and survive. It takes a village to raise a kid. But that doesn’t mean we’re always going to get along.
When there is happiness, there will be conflicts. There will always be some forms of it: disagreement with your partner, arguments with your kids, and differences with your parents.
The problem with conflicts is that most of the time they are small and quickly forgotten, but they are not repaired. Over time, the pressure compounds and breaks the system if we don't anticipate the situation ahead of time.
Here's a task for you:
If you have an unresolved conflict with the people you love the most, don't turn a blind eye to it. Have the courage to talk about it. This is the only way to heal a wound before you let the infection run wild to a point beyond your control.
You
How do you describe your biggest weakness that prevents you from becoming the kind of dad that you want to be?
Here's mine - I tend to overthink and underact.
I stand still and fail to take action when the moment demands it. On the other hand, I underthink and overreact. I yelled and threw tantrums in front of my kids. What a paradox to find myself in.
And here are a few patterns I see from other dads:
- Apologizing to the kids even when you don't have to
- Making promises even when you know you can't keep them
- Focusing on small mistakes of your kids, or yourself, and letting trivial things ruin your family day
- Showing visible signs of frustration and discontent on things you have no control over
Be honest with yourself. Accepting your weaknesses is the first step to becoming a better dad.
No one knows you better. You are in control. You can decide who you want to be at this very moment.
I understand that I have no clue what you are dealing with right now and the challenges you face. But I am confident that you have the strength inside you to rise above it all.
It was painful to confront with my weaknesses and bad behaviors. I am still struggling with them. But I am getting a little better every day at managing them.
And here's a little trick for you:
I look calm by default.
Despite the inner self telling me the world is on fire and the kids are beating each other up, no one really sees how I am feeling inside.
This is counterintuitive but research shows that subtle fear can lead to an increased state of bodily sensations.
This means that our physiological symptoms associated with pressure (e.g. racing heart, shortened breaths, shaky voice, etc.) feel more overwhelming than they actually look.
No matter what is making you angry, nervous, and annoyed. Try ignoring these internal body signals at that moment and just keeping calm for the next 10 seconds.
Your body wants you to react straight away. And when the next time you encounter anything that triggers your emotions, count from 1 to 10. Build your mental muscle to keep calm and stay positive.
Try it.
You will get better at being a guiding example, a loving father, a cheerful friend, a breadwinner, a role model, a man of his word, or simply be a dad for your kids.
No matter the problems standing in front of you, don’t waste the lessons that your problems give you.
See you next time.
Franco